Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Resume Writing for Realsies

Alright, so my last post was kind of a downer.

I mean, I am having a hard time. However, when a family member asks you if you're ok because "that post made me sad", then follows it up with "are you taking your medication?", it's probably a sign that A. you need to start taking your medication regularly (The pharmacy was downstairs from my old work and I ran out, ok?) and B. your last post was sad.

So, I'm going to try to up the Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy quotient today.

I've been trying to put together my resume and it got me to thinking that really this is just a list of skills and experience, but what does it really tell an employer about me.  A resume doesn't let an employer know about my hot secretary phone voice, my near-encyclopedic knowledge of vampire lore in Paranormal Romance novels or any of my idiosyncrasies that make me into who I am. It just tells them what I can and have done. 

What if, a resume included that kind of stuff though? 

Wouldn't it allow an employer to know if an candidate would be more than just a good fit for the available position, but a good fit with the people at the business too.

(Please, don't take this to an incredibly cerebral place. I'm keeping it light. I understand that there would be all sorts of legal and ethical questions and bla bla bla, remember the Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy quotient and just imagine if my resume looked like this....)

Sara Horney
Goals: To obtain significant employment that will not only uses my brain, but also my super sweet people skills and sexy secretary phone voice.
  • High School Diploma (1998) 
  • Incredibly useless and expensive Honours History Degree (2002). Unless you would like me to write an essay about Hitler, Martin Luther, The Reformation or the social history of Rock 'n' Roll in America, in which case I'm your girl.

Job Experience:
  • Lots of Retail
  • Office/Admin

  • Can touch tongue to nose
  • Can argue just about anything - whether or not I have all the facts (Thanks, German heritage!)
  • Preternatural awkwardness
  • Can read 5 or more novels in a week AND remember what they were about.
  • Can rock a buffet like nobody's business.
  • Armchair Jeopardy champion many times over.
*Too many more to list. You should just call me for an interview.*

  • Inability to make it through a slow dance without bursting into loud fits of laughter
  • Inability to get that first pancake to turn out
  • Sodoku
  • I cannot properly wrap a burrito
  • Math that involves letters. This includes most word problems


  • Guitar solos
  • Pinterest/Facebook/Twitter and other forms of time-sucking social media
  • Trashy novels
  • The aforementioned buffets
  • "Snark"

  • Movies about weddings
  • Cellulite
  • Horses
  • People that say the word "film" as if there is an i between the l and m.
  • Tom Cruise
  • February


If this was my resume I think people might understand me a bit better AND realize what a prize catch I am.

Awesome job and tons of cash money here I come!!

Monday, March 25, 2013

This Adventure Starts Now


It's been a while.
Back in December I had to stop writing. The stress of family and work, not to mention what seems to be my annual slide into a deep funk around January got to be a bit much so I backed off blogging. I even gave up my role as a contributor for Wicked Little Pixie, which I loved.

Unfortunately not the kind of funk I'm talking about. :(

Fortunately/unfortunately I've suddenly got a lot more time to write.

You see, it's 9:30 am on Monday morning and I'm not at work. I got "laid off".

The whys and wherefores of my sudden state of unemployment aren't important. Financially my family will be fine for a bit and as a Christian I believe (both through faith and experience) that God provides and will use this as an opportunity for me to do something else. The latter though is what is freaking me out.

I worked at my job for almost 7 years. I have no idea what to do now, where to go or even what I'm good at. The lay off has thrown me into some practical and emotional turmoil.

Practically, let me just say that it's a really crappy idea to only have your resume on your work computer.

Very bad idea. Wahhhhh!!
That's actually all I have for the practical side of things, besides the obvious bills to pay, mouths to feed shtick that I figure nobody needs me to spell out for them.

Emotionally, I have lots going on and most of it's crappy.
I feel totally lost.
I've never been laid off before and it's messing with my self confidence. 
Skills I was sure of  2 weeks ago, I feel inept at. Talents and abilities I took pride in seem like nothing. How am I supposed to look for a new job, when I, apparently, wasn't skilled enough to keep a job I'd been doing for almost 7 years? Dude! It's freaking me out.

I'm working really hard to try and be positive, have faith and believe in myself, but right now I feel like I'm at a fork in the road with no map or pie. I think being at a fork in the road should automatically garner me some pie.

Friends and family, even former co-workers, are being wonderfully supportive and have been showering me with encouragement and job suggestions, but inevitably I end up here, on my couch alone, completely discombobulated and worried about my family and future.

This isn't to say good things haven't happened in the last two weeks. I mean, I've won or received half a dozen new books to read for free (which is awesome), I got caught up to season 5 of Supernatural and I've had the opportunity to volunteer my time to some very worthy causes that I otherwise would've been too busy for. I also got caught up on laundry, have started to enjoy cooking for my family again and have 2 more hours a day to spend with the coolest kid ever.

Still...the Pollyanna in me is getting worn out. 
I'm frustrated, angry and panicky. I'm unsure of myself and working double time to keep a stiff upper lip. Plus, the jobs here suck. My first day of looking and the 3 best looking jobs were Ballet Teacher, Carnival Rides Operator and Mushroom Picker.

Not exactly what I had in mind.

Anyway,I'm trying to treat this as a new adventure.
I'll try to write more and I'll even make sure it's not all depressing, emo stuff. Just for you.

Ciao. :)